New Moon From the Perspective of Edward Cullen
by Yklim
Summary: The abridged version of New Moon, from the perspective of Edward Cullen. What exactly was Edward thinking when he said goodbye to Bella?


_Author's Note: I've read a lot of __Midnight Sun__ fanfic, but never __New Moon__ from Edward's POV. This starts just after Bella is attacked by Jasper on her 18__th__ birthday. Edward and Bella are in her bedroom, and the story commences with their last kiss before Edward leaves. It's really much better if you read this part of the chapter in __New Moon__ first! Then you'll understand everything that little bit better. It'll only take you 2 minutes to read it – it starts from halfway down page 51 to the end of 52.  
I have completed Chapter 2, and the beginning of Chapter 3, but I don't particularly want to post them if readers are finding my work boring! And so… Feedback is much appreciated! That being said, this is my first fanfic ever, so please be gentle._

Chapter One

I leaned down to lose myself in her lips, warm with her blood. Even after more than half a year, it was still beyond belief how difficult it was to keep from throwing myself into the kiss with all my might as she did, to give into the lust for her that was as all-consuming as the thirst for her blood – all my might would crush her to powder. However, this was the last time, the last moment of happiness, forever. A plan was already half-formed in my mind: it would never be safe in Forks for Bella with me here. And so I abandoned some restraint, reaching around to touch her hair, pulling her face to mine and welding myself to her as gently as I could, all the more to feel her warmth radiating through my shirt, her skin soft against mine, the taste of her lips, the blood pulsing just beneath that thin layer of skin…  
At that moment I pulled away, pushing her back with the tiniest amount of force possible, knowing my thoughts had crossed that thin line always at the edge of my consciousness. She fell back onto the bed, sucking air into her lungs as her heartbeat continued to race. She was the only one who could ever make me gasp for air, as breathing was not even really necessary for us.  
"Sorry," I breathed out, trying to catch my breath, more out of habit than anything else. "That was out of line."  
"_I_ don't mind," she said, gasping. I frowned – she never failed to place too much trust in the amount of self-restraint I possessed. "Try to sleep, Bella."  
"No, I want you to kiss me again." How hard it was to resist, just one last kiss.  
"You're overestimating my self-control."  
"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she asked with a sly smile on her angel's face.  
I thought about it about it for less than second. "It's a tie," I concluded, smiling in spite of myself. How hard it was to be serious with her when she asked such questions! If only she knew how strong the pull of her sweetly fragrant blood was to me, only then would she understand how incredibly attracted to her I was, how incredibly attracted to her I would always be, no matter the distance...  
I at once resumed my serious expression. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?" I needed time to think.  
"Fine," she finally conceded, closing what little space there was between us by hugging herself closer to me. I could feel her injured arm sinking into my shoulder. I smiled, her 

attempt to soothe her injured arm against my frigid skin not going unmissed. I then grimaced, remembering why that arm was injured.  
It had been too close a call tonight, and I was adamant that it should never happen again. Leaving was the only option left to me now, and although my cold heart vehemently rejected this option knowing how much pain it was bound to engender, some rational part of my mind acknowledged that it was the only way.  
As she drifted off to sleep, I set aside a part of my mind that I would devote entirely to memories of her, of Bella: her smile, her warmth, her fragrance. Her tenacity, the pull of her personality. The way she would reach up onto her toes just to prolong the kiss when I pulled away. Her temper which would flare up at the most trivial of things, such as proms, or birthday presents…  
Birthday presents. Her birthday. How could such an ordinary event have inspired such a disastrous outcome? It was my fault entirely. Had she been with anyone else, it would have been nothing. I winced at the idea of my Bella in another's arms, but continued along the line of thought. It would have been merely a bandaid applied to the cut, if that. Instead I had to protect her from my very own brother, while fighting the impulse to turn around and drink from the luscious scarlet pulsing from the cuts in her soft, warm…  
Enough, Edward.  
Had it not been for her birthday, would such drastic measures be necessary? Jasper would never have attacked her; she would not have been put in harm's way again because of my unnatural existence…  
But there was the key word. _Again_. Again and again. Every moment she spent with me, she was at risk. I acknowledged then that I would have had to leave her one day. The events of last spring, in Phoenix, were testament to this fact. I could not, _would_ not, let anything hurt Bella. The thought of the world being robbed of her beautiful existence was unbearable.  
My breath caught as the draft creeping into the room from the crack between floorboards and door fanned her scent up towards my face. My mind was stunned momentarily, and I shook myself mentally, forcing my now tense body to relax. I felt the thirst, as well as the deep awe at the beauty of her wondrous scent. I suppressed it. I needed to find a solution to the problem.  
We would have to move, but where to? Somewhere far, where our world could not hurt her… I knew Carlisle and Esme would support my choice – the whole family would have to move. Bella would have no contact with any vampire ever again. Luckily, her memory was that of a mere human, a memory with an expiry date. She would forget all about the Cullen family, forget all about our love, perhaps passing it off as a summer romance… The thought tugged at the cold lump of rock that was once a heart, sitting unbeating in my chest. One day she would forget about me completely, my undying love for her a distant memory, perhaps even a dream…  
How I wanted to wake her up, to hold her face in my hands and lose myself in those pools of melted chocolate which were her eyes, sugary and sweet and so deep I may never surface, may never _want_ to surface. But I knew I had to let her sleep on, had to start cutting myself off right away, distance myself, make this easier for both of us, even though I knew that no part of this was likely to be easy. Was there no other way? I had promised her forever. Was it to be just another broken promise? The pile was growing, was it necessary to add another? I knew it was, knew there was no way around this for us.  


I could spend the time away from her hunting Victoria, James' partner and accomplice. I would spend every moment trying to keep her safe, even when I could not be with her; she deserved the best life one could possibly live, and the best… well, whatever came after death.  
Would I be able to watch her grow up, marry another man? Tyler Crowley perhaps, or the Newton boy who I disliked so. The beast roared in my head, and a slight snarl escaped my lips.  
She would have children, children with her captivating expressions, her soft, brown eyes. Would they smell as lovely, as mouth-watering, I thought, mentally cringing at the word, as she does?  
I lay there, breathing in as deeply as I could, until I could feel the scented air tickling the walls of my empty, cold lungs. My head spun and throat lurched. I felt the familiar ache in my stomach, the venom flowing in my mouth. It caused me physical pain to suppress the desire to feed. But at the same time, the scent was calling to me in other ways – I felt the urge to touch her, to make sure she was real and not merely a lovely figment conjured by my imagination. I wanted to bottle the fragrance rising off her delicate skin, to take it with me wherever I went, just so I knew that she really existed, somewhere. Although I possessed a photographic memory, no memory could ever emulate her glorious scent. No one could smell like my Bella.  
But I was a monster in more than just the literal sense, and for this reason we could never be together. Only a monster would be so selfish as to put the saviour of their life in mortal peril to satisfy their own need.  
My own brother had attempted to kill her, and if I for one moment had a lapse in self-control, Bella would be gone, gone to a place I could never follow her to. There was no heaven for those of us with no soul. But of course when she finally went there, I would surely follow her into death, the furthest I could follow her to, as soon as I could. A world void of Bella was no world for me.  
I already had the plan mapped out in my mind. A visit to the Volturi in Italy would be in order. A grim smile touched my lips.  
I would no longer put Bella in danger. As I pondered that which was to come, my chest was seized by two fists of granite which wrapped themselves around my chest and squeezed with all their might, crippling me. I had not felt pain like this since… I tried not to remember last spring in Phoenix, when I thought I had lost her forever.  
I had to leave Bella… How could I do the impossible?  
She shuddered then, as if she could read my thoughts.


End file.
